practice of love #2 - How does one practice ?

How does one practice discipline? ... It is essential, however, that discipline should not be practiced like a rule imposed in oneself from the outside, but that it becomes an expression of one's own will; that it is felt as pleasant, and that one slowly accustoms oneself to a kind of behavior which one would eventually miss, if one stopped practicing it. It is one of the unfortunate aspects of our Western concept of discipline (as of every virtue) that its practice is supposed to be somewhat painful and only if it is painful can it be "good".

Concentration is by far more difficult to practice ... The most important step in learning concentration is to learn to be alone with oneself without reading, listening to the radio, smoking or drinking. Indeed, to be able to concentrate means to be able to be alone with oneselfㅡand this ability is precisely a condition for the ability to love. If I am attached to another person because I cannnot stand on my own feet, he or she may be a lifesaver, but the relationship is not one of love. Anyone who tries to be alone with himself will discover how difficult it is. He will begin to feel restless, fidgety, or even to sense considerable anxiety. ... He will also observe that all sorts of thoughts come to his mind which take possession of him. He will find himself thinking about his plans for later in the day, or about some difficulty in a job he has to do, ...

It would be helpful to practice a few very simple exercises, as, for instance, to sit in a relaxed position (neither slouching, nor rigid), to close one's eyes, and to try to see a white screen in front of one's eyes, and to try to remove all interfering pictures and thoughts, then to try to follow itㅡand in doing so to sense it; furthermore to try to have a sense of "I"; I = myself, as the center of my powers, as the creator of my world. ... every morning for twenty minutes and every evening before going to bed.

Besides such exercises, one must learn to be concentrated in everything one does, in listening to music, in reading a book, in talking to a person, in seeing a view. The activity at this very moment must be the only thing that matters, to which one is fully given. If one is concentrated, it matters little what one is doing; the important, as well as the unimportant things assumes a new dimension of reality, because they have one's full attention. To learn concentration requires avoiding, as far as possible, trivial conversation, that is, conversation which is not genuine. If two people talk about the taste of the bread they have just eaten together, or about a common experience in their job, such conversation can be relevant, provided they experience what they talking about, and do not deal with it in an abstractified way; on the other hand, a conversation can deal with matters of politics or religion and yet be trivial; this happens when the two people talk in cliches, when their hearts are not in what they saying. ... It is important to avoid bad company. ... However, It is not always possible to avoid the company of such people, nor even necessary. If one does not react in the expected wayㅡthat is, in chicles and trivialitiesㅡbut directly and humanly, one will often find that such people change their behavior, often helped by the surprise effected by the shock of the unexpected.

To concentrated in relation to others means primarily to be able to listen. Most people listen to others, or even give advice, without really listening. They do not take the other person's talk seriously, they do not take their own answers seriously either. As a result, the talk makes them tired. They are under the illusion that they would be even more tired if they listened with concentration. But the opposite is true. Any activity, if done in a concentrated fashion, makes one more awake (although afterward natural and beneficial tiredness sets in), while every unconcentrated activity makes one sleepyㅡwhile at the same time it makes it difficult to fall asleep at the end of the day.

To concentrated means to live fully in the present, in the here and now, and not to think of the next thing to be done, while I am doing something right now. Needless to say that concentration must be practiced most of all by people who love each other. They must learn to be close to each other without running away ... The beginning  of the practice of concentration will be difficult; it will appear as if  one could never achieve the aim. That this implies the necessity to hove patience need hardly be said. If one does not know that everything has its time, and wants to force things, then indeed one will never succeed in becoming concentratedㅡnor in the art of loving.To have an idea of what patience is one need only watch a child learning to walk. 

One cannot learn to concentrate without becoming sensitive to oneself. ... His mind is in a state of relaxed alterness, open to all relevant changes in the situation on which he is concentrated ... 

[... a mother] is sensitive to the manifestations of the child's life; she is not anxious or worried, but in a state of alert equilibrium, receptive to any significant communications coming from the child. In the same way one can be sensitive  toward oneself. One is aware, for instance, of a sense of tiredness or depression, and instead of giving in to it and supporting it by depressive thoughts which are always at hand, one asks oneself "what happened?" ... the important thing is to be aware of them, and not to rationalize them ... furthermore, to be open to our own inner voice, which will tell usㅡoften rather immediatelyㅡwhy we are anxious, depressed, irritated. 

 

It is quite obvious that in order to be sensitive to oneself, one has to have an image of complete, healthy human functioning. ... how is one to acquire such an experience if one has not had it in one's own childhood, or later in life?

...Yet the situation does not seem to be altogether hopeless. If one consider the fact that a man like Albert Schweitzer could become famous in the US, if one visualize the many possibilities to make our youth familiar with living and historical personalities who show what human beings can achieve as human being, ... if one think of the great works of literature and art of all ages, there seems to be a chance of creating a vision of good human functioning, and hence of sensitivity to malfunctioning